THE DESEXUALIZATION OF THE AMERICAN MARRIAGE/WAY TO LEAVE YOUR LOVING: “IF THIS IS SATURDAY, WE’LL PROBABLY DO IT”
Super Marital Sex Rule: Super sex depends upon the development of an mutual responsibility for the erotic cycle that emerges between two persons over time. Cycles are not signs of “boredom.” They evolve when persons tune in to each other. All things in life are cyclical, and super sex results from awareness of, communication about, and learning from these cycles so that changes, when necessary, can be made together and in keeping with both persons’ emotional and physical needs.
I get up. He gets up. I eat. He eats. The kids eat. He leaves. I leave. Reverse it at night. That’s it. Welcome to the world of our marriage.
WIFE
Our society teaches that stimulation comes from without, not within. It teaches that variety is the spice of life, and that variety is something we go “after” by seeking more and more from “out there.” If we are bored, we think it is because we are not in a stimulating place. Therefore, if our marriage seems boring, if we feel bored with our partner, it must be that they have become boring or that time and overexposure have rendered them not as stimulating as someone new might be.
Until we learn that stimulation comes from within and not without, American marriage will be victim of the “sameness problem.” Developmental theorists continue to preach that we must provide extensive and varied environmental stimulation for our children. Without it, they rightly assert, the brain does not develop to potential. They neglect the feet, however, that adults can generate their own stimulation by turning in, by learning to be aware of feelings, sensations, and signals. We see light with our eyes, but we perceive it with all of us that is human. What we see depends on how and who we are, on what is “in here,” not what is “out there.”
It is obviously counterproductive to intentionally “bore” the sexual dimension of marriage. There is such a thing as acclimation, just getting used to something and no longer reacting intensely to Ë-1 tell my couples to pay attention to privacy, to dress and undress in private, to wear comfortable, personally pleasing clothing to bed. There is a difference between comfortable exposure and overexposure, so it is unwise to take the privilege of seeing each other nude for granted.
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