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The discussion with children went on for more than one and one half hours. In a room full of kids, some of who were diagnosed as severely retarded emotionally impaired, and hyperactive, they all sat and listened. They laughed sometimes, but no more than their parents and the staff. They asked, listened, and learned. You can tell by their questions that they had put a lot of thought into this area already. You noticed the kids asked the questions in no particular order or interconnection in most cases. They were just more direct than some of us.

In each of my answers, I used a sex-education principle that has worked well for me. I always over answer the question. I give more information than is required just so long as I give a specific answer to whatever was asked. I suggest you try the same approach. It’s a good chance to make a lot of points you would like to make about living.

I have done this type of teaching with groups of senior citizens. I recently met with over two hundred senior citizens, most of whom were permanency living in nursing homes. I thought you might like to read just a few of their questions and my answers to support my earlier point that sex education is not for children only, and to provide information on the relationship between sexuality and aging.

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I don’t know about oral love. I did it once, and my husband sort of humped up at me and I almost gagged. I don’t like the idea of it, the taste of it, and I’m afraid he will come in my mouth. I just don’t do it anymore, but I think it is probably his favorite thing. I think he wants my mouth more than he wants me.

WIFE

Of all the arguments and differences in the couples’ program, the issue of fellatio and cunnilingus was one of the most frequent sources of disagreement regarding actual sexual interaction. Husbands wanted it, were reluctant to give it, wives wanted it less and were very reluctant to give it. Of the 1,000 women, 266 reported that they enjoyed fellatio. The rest reported never doing it or doing it reluctantly. Nine hundred twenty-seven husbands reported that they enjoyed or very much enjoyed fellatio, and 88 husbands reported seeking out partners outside the marriage specifically for fellatio.

Three hundred forty-four husbands reported enjoyment of cunnilingus, while 233 wives reported enjoying or very much enjoying cunnilingus. Generally, oral love was a male-oriented preference in these couples. However, following education regarding posturing, a new perspective on the ejaculatory reflex, hygiene, and changing conceptions of oral love as “dirty,” couples learned to discuss oral love as an option. The use of approximations of oral love, kissing of thighs and abdomen, was also helpful. The five-year follow-up showed that oral love was mutually incorporated into the sexual pattern of 743 of the couples.

Men discussed attitudes that women were “dirty down there,” reporting odors or tastes that were negative. The husbands apparently were unaware that they, too, have odors and tastes. Once open discussion took place, oral love was demystified, and became another opportunity rather than a forbidden act performed by perverted people. The issue was not a woman’s issue, it was a couples’ communicational and educational issue. There was much more blame than fact to the myth that women dislike oral love, but nobody likes one type of loving all the time. What oral love means to each partner is more important than how it is done.

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Super Marital Sex Rule: Super sex depends upon the development of an mutual responsibility for the erotic cycle that emerges between two persons over time. Cycles are not signs of “boredom.” They evolve when persons tune in to each other. All things in life are cyclical, and super sex results from awareness of, communication about, and learning from these cycles so that changes, when necessary, can be made together and in keeping with both persons’ emotional and physical needs.

I get up. He gets up. I eat. He eats. The kids eat. He leaves. I leave. Reverse it at night. That’s it. Welcome to the world of our marriage.

WIFE

Our society teaches that stimulation comes from without, not within. It teaches that variety is the spice of life, and that variety is something we go “after” by seeking more and more from “out there.” If we are bored, we think it is because we are not in a stimulating place. Therefore, if our marriage seems boring, if we feel bored with our partner, it must be that they have become boring or that time and overexposure have rendered them not as stimulating as someone new might be.

Until we learn that stimulation comes from within and not without, American marriage will be victim of the “sameness problem.” Developmental theorists continue to preach that we must provide extensive and varied environmental stimulation for our children. Without it, they rightly assert, the brain does not develop to potential. They neglect the feet, however, that adults can generate their own stimulation by turning in, by learning to be aware of feelings, sensations, and signals. We see light with our eyes, but we perceive it with all of us that is human. What we see depends on how and who we are, on what is “in here,” not what is “out there.”

It is obviously counterproductive to intentionally “bore” the sexual dimension of marriage. There is such a thing as acclimation, just getting used to something and no longer reacting intensely to Ë-1 tell my couples to pay attention to privacy, to dress and undress in private, to wear comfortable, personally pleasing clothing to bed. There is a difference between comfortable exposure and overexposure, so it is unwise to take the privilege of seeing each other nude for granted.

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