MIDDLE AGE – EMOTIONAL INSTABILITY
In most marriages, the age of each partner is within five years of the other, so that the period of the man’s emotional instability may coincide with his wife’s menopause. This period of her life is often one of emotional turbulence, when she questions her role as a housewife and mother.
If both partners are affected by the emotional stresses of middle age, minor conflicts and misunderstandings may be magnified and become major causes of hostility or frustration, so that the couple become irritated with each other. This in turn aggravates the emotional instability. In this situation, some men lose their zest for sex, because their emotional instability leads to depression. Depression is a major factor in reducing a person’s sexual desire and capacity. Some men may even become impotent. The impotence may last for a few months, or may persist for years, damaging further the relationship with the man’s partner and destroying his self-esteem. In other cases, a man may lose his sexual zest because he perceives his sexual relationship as monotonous or boring. His partner no longer excites him. He has become too familiar with the way she responds, with her expressions, with her behaviour. He knows in advance what she will do. Sex has become a routine duty, not a time of mutual enjoyment and sharing. How the man reacts depends on how he has perceived sex when he was young. If he was brought up to believe in the double standard of sexuality and that women have a relative lack of sexual passion, he may perceive that sex with a familiar partner is boring. He sees sex as something special for him, not as a mutual enjoyment. He expects the woman to stimulate him, but feels no need to stimulate her. Because he is not stimulated, he blames his wife for their sexual problems, rather than putting some of the blame on himself. If neither partner has been able to tell the other, over the years, about his or her sexual desires and needs, and if there has been little communication using body language, by middle age their sexual relationship may have deteriorated. It is easier to blame your partner than to look for faults in yourself.
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